Understanding Grief: How Kids and Adults Navigate Loss
Understanding Grief: How Kids and Adults Navigate Loss
Grief is a heavy emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. Whether it's losing a loved one, a pet, divorce, relationship breaks, job loss or any other unresolved change in your life, grief affects us all. But did you know that children and adults often experience grief in different ways? Let's take a closer look at how kids and adults navigate loss.
1. Expressing Emotions: Children and adults express their grief in different ways. While some adults may openly talk about their feelings and shed tears, children might express their grief through play, art, or changes in behavior. They may not always have the words to express how they feel, so it's important to pay attention to their actions and provide them with opportunities to express themselves.
2. Understanding Death: Children may have a limited understanding of death compared to adults. They may struggle to grasp the finality of death or have magical thinking, believing that the person or pet they lost will come back. I remember being told as a child that my best friend who died at age 12 was in a better place and that God needed him. I was so confused why would God need him more than I did or his family? Did you ever replace your child’s pet fish without them knowing so you didn’t have to talk about death? Or even better the dog or cat dies and a few days later you take you child to get a replacement pet. Why don’t we think about what this might be teaching children about grief? Was the original pet not unique and important? Or do we just not want to deal with the awkwardness that surrounds grief? It's important to provide age-appropriate explanations about death and be patient in answering their questions.
3. Coping Mechanisms: Adults often rely on coping mechanisms such as talking to friends or seeking professional help to deal with grief. Children, on the other hand, may turn to familiar routines, seeking comfort from loved ones, or engaging in activities they enjoy. It's essential to create a supportive environment where children feel safe to express their feelings and seek comfort when needed. Try to allow space for a child to speak about the loved one even if it makes you, the adult feel uncomfortable.
4. Attention Span: Children's attention spans are typically shorter than adults', which can impact how they process grief. They may experience intense emotions in short bursts and then move on to something else quickly. Adults may need to provide consistent support and reassurance over time as children navigate the ups and downs of grief.
5. Need for Reassurance: Children often need reassurance that they are loved and safe, especially during times of grief. They may worry about other loved ones dying or feel anxious about the future. Adults can provide comfort by offering hugs, listening to their concerns, and reassuring them that they are not alone.
6. Resilience: Despite their young age, children can be incredibly resilient in the face of loss. They may bounce back more quickly than adults and find moments of joy and laughter amidst their grief. However, it's essential to remember that resilience doesn't mean they aren't grieving. They still need support and understanding as they navigate their emotions.
In conclusion, children and adults experience grief differently, but both need support and understanding as they navigate the complex emotions that come with loss. By recognizing and respecting these differences, we can create a supportive environment where everyone feels heard, understood, and loved as they grieve.
Grieving With Grace,
Monique Hayes, M.Ed, Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist
