Tomorrow isn’t promised

Let me start by acknowledging how blessed I am to have a career I love and to work at a place that allows me to help people while having good benefits. Oh yeah, did I mention Fridays off in the summer. So August 2020, we were not only still in the early stages of the Covid-19 Pandemic, but I was still reeling from the death of my mother. Sure, I took a couple weeks off for FMLA and was lucky enough to have a job that remained opened and allowed me to work remotely. However, words cannot describe how hard it is to help others while you are drowning in grief. Through therapy I struggled with the fact that my mom died so suddenly without being able to travel and explore the many places she dreamed of. The month she passed I remembered us discussing a plan to travel to Costa Rica once Covid let up. Why Costa Rica? We had done a great deal of research as a family to find a place my mother could relocate while retired to not only have her money stretch but to increase her quality of life and health. My brother and I felt Costa Rica was a great fit for her to buy a home, live safely, stretch her retirement money and not be forced to learn a new language. My brother and I could visit her often and even work there remotely from time to time. We would help with the payments for the house so that eventually, it would be ours one day and our retirement money would last longer as well. You have to understand, in early July my mom was finally on the mend, after being hospitalized a few months prior. At this time, she was so excited about her future in Costa Rica. The conversation of clarity we had was amazing. It was like my mother’s time in the hospital gave her time to reflect on what she wanted and deserved out of the rest of her life. A few weeks later, she was gone. So herein lied my struggle, I was repeating my mom’s steps of being a workaholic, not taking time off to celebrate or even live life. You know on the hamster wheel of life continuing to say I’ll do it tomorrow. However, my mom’s sudden death truly hit home the quote, “tomorrow is never promised”. I remember being like my mom, so scared of making the wrong choice, not having enough money, getting Covid, dying of anything, etc. Always anxiety ridden and so driven by fear, I had really stopped living all together. I mean I was a newlywed with two new kids that I gained through marriage, had the career of my dreams, but ultimately, I was lost without my mom, my compass, but I knew I could not be on the hamster wheel any longer. I went to therapy one day and said something like, I don’t want to give everything to my career and have nothing left for my family or to live real life. Have you ever felt that way? Do you feel that way now? Well, I begged my therapist for help with finding happiness and a way to give more energy to my life outside of work. If tomorrow isn’t promised then that means I have to go on all the adventures now, instead of waiting for vacation days. Please understand, I’m not rich but once I recognized that my mom lived 67 years and rarely vacationed and only left the country once; I made it my mission to take breaks of respite monthly;. I didn’t care whether that meant a day, a weekend, or a month. Drowning in grief, devastated by loss, completely in turmoil seeking refuge in travel is how Grief Escapes was born.

Let the Journey Begin!

Written By: Monique Hayes, M.Ed, Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist